The Struggle Is Real

So I really don’t feel like writing this morning. Honestly, my garden and planting my seeds is pulling at me today. But I know how important content creation is so I am going to force myself to sit here and write a blog post before I head out into the sun.

Are you easily distracted by anything other than creating? For me, I have all these big creative plans swirling around in my head just itching to get out into the world. But the actual work to make it all happen can be so overwhelming at times. 

Often, I let other things take me away from my creative goals. I know it is procrastination or probably fear that holds me back. I also know that if I don’t create, I feel like something in life is missing. As if my happiness has been misplaced.

If I can just find my motivation, then I am off to the races and I can be sucked into my creative projects until completion. But it is finding the motivation to get going that is my biggest stumbling block. 

I know it is fear. So what am I afraid of? I keep asking myself. And frankly, I know the answer. I am afraid that I will do all this creative work with little reward. 

Take my instagram account for instance. Instagram is incredibly frustrating for me. I desperately want a great looking, curated feed. So, I put a lot of effort into finding the images that coordinate together. I spent a few days working out a design formula via Illustrator that incorporates my pattern making. It is going to look so good. 


But the reality is, Instagram doesn’t seem to care if a feed is coordinated. There are so many people who can find the magic sauce to Instagram’s success without a curated feed. I think, it comes down to being personal and relatable.

These two things are difficult for me as I don’t like “putting my real self out there”. I am a more of a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I hate people’s eyes on me. I would much rather be the one to create the beautiful set, than the actor on stage.

When my Instagram gets little attention, instead of changing my strategy, I tend to ignore it hoping it will go away or fix itself.

So there is my little paradox that I struggle with constantly. In order for me to achieve my creative dreams, I have to be seen. But being seen is very uncomfortable for me. What is a creative introvert supposed to do, I wonder?

The only way forward, for the moment, is to try to achieve a curated feed but to change my captions to be a little bit more personal. I will try to work that into my strategy, hoping my compromise will win out in the end. But only time will tell.

In the meantime, I will put my muddy boots on, grab my garden weasel and go out to plant some seeds. Maybe the seeds I sow in Instagram will also sprout one day too? We shall see.